Decanting the Ego—Spring Cleaning Your Pleasure Mindset

I know I’m late to the party. Blame it on my recent wine getaway.

I’ve been off vacationing, exploring vineyards, and embracing my inner wine connoisseur. 🍷 Between swirling reds and toasting sunsets, I had a major aha moment...

Just like that perfect glass needs the right balance, our pleasure mindset needs the right blend of confidence and compassion.

Welcome to April’s series: Spring Cleaning – Refresh Your Pleasure Mindset. This month, we’re clearing out the cobwebs of limiting beliefs, especially those rooted in the women’s sexual ego. Also making room for a season of renewed intimacy. Let’s kick off with Examining & Shifting Ego-Based Beliefs about Sex.

Identifying False Narratives

Just like that stubborn sediment at the bottom of the wine bottle, certain beliefs settle into our psyche:

“I must perform perfectly.”
We’ve all been trapped by that idea that a “good” sexual experience has to look like the movies—orgasm on cue, seamless moves, zero vulnerability. Spoiler alert...real intimacy is way more delicious when it’s messy, unpredictable, and authentic.

“If I’m vulnerable, I’ll lose respect.”
Vulnerability can feel risky, especially if you’ve been burned before. But closing off your true desires and insecurities builds walls, not bridges.

“My pleasure comes second.”
Self-sacrifice is noble, but not at the expense of your own joy. Denying your own needs because of guilt or “ego” only starves your desire.

Wine Vacation Parallel:
Just like I tasted new varietals without judgment—no expectation of perfection—I want you to taste your desires without the pressure of “getting it right.”

Strategies for Replacing Harmful Self-Talk with Empowering Affirmations

1. Challenge the Script

When that inner critic surfaces (“You better not mess this up”), pause and ask: Is this belief based on fact or fear? Then mentally rewrite it:

“I give myself permission to explore without judgment.”

2. Sip on Self-Compassion

Remember how I savored every swirl and sip, no rush? Treat your mind the same way. Acknowledge mistakes or awkward moments, then let them go...just like you’d set down an imperfect glass and pour a fresh one.

3. Craft Your Pleasure Mantras

Write down affirmations that feel bold and real:

“My pleasure matters.”
“I deserve joy and connection.”
“Vulnerability deepens our bond.”

Place these mantras where you’ll see them, on your mirror, nightstand, or the fridge next to your favorite wine list.

4. Sip Again and Reflect

Grab your favorite glass of wine (or tea!) and journal for five minutes. List three things you love about how you express intimacy. No filter, no shame.

5. Practice Makes Playful

Next time you’re with your partner or solo, lean into experimentation. Celebrate each laugh, each misstep, each genuine moment. That’s the good stuff.

Just like cleaning out your closet makes space for fresh spring outfits, clearing out ego-based beliefs clears the runway for real, juicy intimacy. This is your reminder that flaws and fumbles aren’t roadblocks, they’re part of the ride.

Stay tuned for the next stop on our spring-cleaning journey: De-Cluttering Your Intimate Space. Until then, raise a glass...to self-love, self-compassion, and the wild, wonderful adventure of rediscovering pleasure.

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Decanting the Ego—Spring Cleaning Your Pleasure Mindset

Identifying False Narratives

Strategies for Replacing Harmful Self-Talk with Empowering Affirmations

1. Challenge the Script

2. Sip on Self-Compassion

3. Craft Your Pleasure Mantras

4. Sip Again and Reflect

5. Practice Makes Playful

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